Prologue
It was June 28th, 2010. I was in train, way back to my home. Finally, I was leaving Aligarh after completing my Diploma in Engineering. My mood was very pissed off. Oh yea, I had reasons. 28th June was my birthday, a day that everyone forgot every year. Not even my close friends did remember that. In spite of wishing me, the very close ones had ditched me today itself!
Today was one of the worst days of my life. I had to finally leave Aligarh, and that AMU (Aligarh Muslim University) too as I couldn’t make through the waiting list of BCA admission list besides I had managed to qualify the entrance exam anyhow. I had so wished to clear the waiting list too, but I wasn’t so lucky. So, the day had started with the rejection of offer to admission in AMU and with the worry that what I’m going to do now. I was tensed as I had to be prepared with an explanation of my bad luck; my reason for not getting through admission in BCA as I had come back to AMU only after assuring to my elder brother, elder sister and my mother that I was going to make through it. But that was not the only reason. I had come back with the hope to see her. Well, I’ll explain that later.
So, by 12.00 pm, I was assured that I was not getting admission into AMU anyhow. I had already failed to make through AMU’s B. Tech. entrance exam, but that was obvious. We were never taught the subjects like PCM from which they had asked the question in entrance exam. One needed to be too lucky to get through it just on the basis of luck, and for sure I was not the lucky one, though I heard there was a lucky guy from Diploma who made through it. So now, I had to pack up. I had already left my hostel and had been staying at the room of one of my most beloved and affectionate senior, Qaseem Bhai’s room who was doing BE (Civil Engg.) from AMU and he had rented a room outside the AMU campus as BE students weren’t allotted hostels until that time. He had gone home as his vacations were on (and so were mine!) but he had left keys with me as I had informed him earlier that I’ll be back for BCA counseling. My all the bags and cartons were at his room only, including my big Desktop Computer which was now a mess to carry besides it had been very useful to me since past two years. The room was less a room and more a jail, I guess. First of all, it was on the second floor of the building, with no more rooms above it and so the direct heat of sun heated it so much in the day time that it was almost unbearable to stay there in the afternoon. Secondly, the stairs to room were so narrow and risky that often in the dark, I had escaped slipping from it only to meet death. And then the landlord was such a jerk; with his loud voice, he used to scold his children every time, waking me up from my little snaps that I could hardly managed to fall into in this super heating room.
So, I came to the room where Hasnain was waiting for me. Hasnain was another batch mate of mine from Diploma. He was a topper of his branch so he had made directly into AMU’s B.Tech. He was there to get his admission formalities done. Since
everyone was home, he had no one else to stay with but me, but now since I had to leave, he had to find some other shelter as I had the responsibility of the room and I had to return the keys to Qaseem bhai after packing up everything the way it was.
“So, you’re leaving?” asked Hasnain. I had told him on call that I couldn’t make through the list so I’ll be leaving tonight. I already had the reservation for the night by Farakka Express and that meant he too had to leave the room by night.
“Yup. Tonight”, I replied in sad tone.
We didn’t talk much then. He went out for something and I got busy in packing my stuff. It was damn too much to pack and take along on a journey, especially when you had to travel alone, so I thought I should call up someone to see me off at night. I recalled that Maroof must be there in Aligarh only. Maroof was my best friend, and he was my classmate too. We had a great time together for past two years, but then he faced some tragedy at exam time and his result was withheld by the Proctor, so he was there to fix that issue.
“Hey, you’re in Aligarh?” I asked, calling him up on his cell.
“Yea. You too, I guess”, he replied back. Probably he was sleeping, as I guessed from his voice, and then he asked the bad question, “So, you got admission into BCA?”
“Fuck it. They’re all such fuckers”, I replied, blaming the authorities, though I knew it was my fault that I could make through it.
“Yea, I know. Anyways, wassup?” He asked, coming back to the point.
“Well, I’m leaving tonight, and since I’ve a lot to carry, you’re coming to drop me until station. And don’t worry about the see-off-tea; You’ll get enough”, I replied, clearing everything. See-off-tea was a tradition of AMU students that every friend or companion, of any student who is going back home, who is going to see him off up to the station will get some cash from that student for fresh up. That amount was fixed to be around Rs. 40-50 per head, depending upon the number of people that accompanied him.
“Okay, I’ll be there at around 10.30. You must be going by the same old Farakka express as I guess and it’s around 12.00 am, right?” asked Maroof. Maroof knew a lot about me. We had been together for more than two years. He knew my nature and my schedules.
“Yea, correct…”, I replied, and then I had a beep on my mobile. I looked at the screen to find that it was my dad calling from Saudi. “Okay, catch you then… bye, Dad’s calling. Come for sure”, I said in a hurry to Maroof and disconnected the call to receive the call of my father.
“Why was your number busy?” He asked directly, after I said Salam to him.
“Some friend was on call. I had called him to assist me in packing”, I replied in a scared tone.
“So, you’re leaving today?” He asked again, in a rude voice.
“Yea. Actually nothing left here to do. It’s clear that I’m not getting into BCA and so now I’ll wait for result of UPTU entrance exams at home”, I replied, in a lower tone.
“I never understand why the hell you people go home every other month! I’m living here; I never bothered myself coming home every six months!” he said in an angry tone.
“It’s nothing like that. It’s just that I’ve got nothing to do here…!” I explained the reason.
“Then why don’t you go to Delhi to find some job to yourself! And what about this UPTU result? Did I ever say I’m gonna teach you any further? No, right? Then how dare you plan things on your own. I’ve already wasted a lot of money on you assholes and I’m not gonna spend even a single rupee on you people anymore. You brothers are all losers. You too would come up like your elder brother who is so non-supportive”, he had almost lost his temper on me.
I felt like replying to him, “you’re talking like you’re enough supportive! And you don’t wanna teach me anymore because you’re yourself not educated much and you’ll feel complex then!” but I couldn’t dare to say this to him. My mom had taught me to have a grip over my tongue and that on my thoughts while I’m in anger. It was due to her lessons only that I had been bearing such an attitude of my father for years. May be it was the remembrance of my mother that it just came out of my mouth, “But Mom, she has asked me to come back…”
“Then go to hell with her. She’s a bitch who ruined my life…”, “Mind your language please..”, I interrupted him, daring too much beyond my limits, to ask my father to mind his language, and it only raised his fury.
“You, son of bitch, you’re asking me to mind my language! Just wait for the day I come there; I’ll cut you all and thrown in to the furnace along with your mother”, he said in anger.
“I didn’t mean that. I just meant that talk to me of only what is relative to me. Dissolve your issues with mom when you’re home. This way you’re just wasting your money and raising your BP..”, I excused.
“No, I know you all. You all are alike, dogs of a lineage. You and your uncles, bloody brothers of my wife, you all are alike. They too are such losers… Never earned anything to themselves so they keep interfering in my life..”, he was saying continuously and on this I felt like replying to him, “you’re talking like you’re such a winner besides one of my uncles being a Govt. teacher and the other being Manager in
a company, and you living abroad in a country like Saudi Arabia, and still finding too hard to survive. Wow, how great is that explanation!” but again I kept quite on the part of my manner that I had inherited from my mother.
“So, you’re leaving today?” asked my father, once he was done with drawing his frustration on me and me listening to him quietly.
“Yea”, I replied back.
“Then close all the accounts you have there, and transfer all the money into my account, and don’t leave any work incomplete before you leave because you’re not going to come here again, ever. In fact, you’re not going anywhere other than home. You’ll stick there; you have my words”, he commanded me and I felt so sad on these words of him.
“And what about my further studies…?” I asked in confusion.
“No more studies. Get some job to yourself at home. I don’t have money for you anymore. If you’ve decided to go home then just go home, only that’s your future. You’ve learnt enough. You’re a Diploma Engineer now, you can at least earn”, he replied in a commenting tone.
“But dad, that’s nothing. I’m not going to get any job with this certificate… I want to study further, be an engineer!” I said, in a requesting tone.
“I don’t know that. I’ve to look for you younger brother too. He has just passed his 12th now. If any money would be left after getting him admission into engineering, then only I’ll think about you. And that too if you’d be nice at behavior..”, he replied in such a rude and straight way that I felt so hurt at heart.
“Okay… bye”, I said, clearing up the tear that had come into the corner of my right eye, as I saw Hasnain climbing up the stairs.
“Who was it? Sara?” He asked, with a smile, as he approached me. Everyone from my batch knew about Sara, but it was not her on the call.
“It was my dad”, I replied, trying to be as normal as possible in my tone, but I just had a rude lecture and I was feeling hurt so there was an obvious sampling in my voice. He’d have guessed that something was wrong as he heard me and as my face gave the expression, so he simply moved towards the room.
“You’re all packed up, wow!” he said when he reached in the room, as he looked at the packing that I had finished a while ago all alone.
“Yea”, I said, reaching to him, clearing my face with towel after washing it with water to look fresh again, and it helped me regaining my good mood.
“So, what now?” he asked.
“Now? It’s party time baby”, I said and winked at him.
We both left for Shamshad Market where we had snacks and then we reached a stationary shop.
“Do you think a diary and a pen would be good as birthday present?” I asked to Hasnain.
“Yea, it would be if the person is a student. But whose Birthday is it?” he asked in confusion.
“Sara’s. Her birthday is on 2nd July and I want the gift to be delivered to her by 2nd. And since you won’t be here till 2nd, I’ll courier it”, I replied back, informing him.
We searched for a nice diary that had some good friendship message in it, and indeed it was costly, and accompanied it with a nice pen too. I asked the shopkeeper to pack them both in a single pack, and then asked if he had the courier service with him and he agreed. I filled up the form and then before handling him the gift, I insisted that gift be delivered on 2nd only, as it was 28th, as it was a local delivery only within Aligarh, and he agreed so we left after paying him.
It was 10.00 pm in the night. Hasnain had left me in the evening itself and I had slept for few hours then. Actually, I had been crying over my destiny and having such a father, lying alone in the heated room and then I fell asleep. I woke up at 10.00 pm due to the mosquitoes flying around as the power had cut off and it was all dark around. I was very hungry so I locked the room with the help of light I had in my mobile to come to the Zakariya Market, the market by the side of AMU campus near our room, but only to find all the shops closed. So, I had to satisfy my appetite with just a cold drink.
I had been calling Maroof for half an hour now but he wasn’t responding. In fact, he was expected to be there by this time now but he didn’t show up, neither was he receiving my calls. Had he not received my calls, I would not have complained but he rather REJECTED my calls! I tried a number of times calling him but when he kept rejecting my calls, I felt so furious on him and then I thought I had been considering a cheater as my friend and this was the time I lacked in the tenure of our friendship that would have tested his trust. So, I came back to my room after booking a Rickshaw, and then in that dark house, I bought down all the cartons and bags on my own from those deadly stairs in the dim light of the torch of my mobile; even the whole computer too! I was so tired and even the rickshaw puller felt pity on me finding me in such a situation. I had reached station on time but then the train was late, and again unluckily, I found my reservation hadn’t confirmed yet!
“Fuck…”, I said to myself, cursing my luck. But then I thought it was for my better now as now I can climb up into any bogie as climbing up in any specific bogie with so much of luggage was indeed a tough task for someone like me, an average figure guy.
The train came late as was specified in the chart but then it took all my efforts to push up the entire luggage into a bogie. First of all, all the doors were closed so it was too difficult to find an averagely populated bogie and getting its door open. Then, every time I had to run back to the luggage to push it sliding long towards the bogie I had chosen which was standing far away from the position where my luggage was kept. In fact, for one second, I just thought of cutting the thought of going anywhere. I had pushed up half the luggage and the half was yet to done, but then I self motivated myself and finally I was able to push up all the luggage into that bogie, and as soon as I climbed up that bogie, the train left.
“Will always remember you, Aligarh... What you gave and what you took away”, I whispered to myself, looking through the open gate, standing there to sigh high. And then, someone again pissed me off.
“Hey, don’t keep your luggage here. I won’t be able to come down properly”, complained an old man in 50s, who was sitting at the top birth in the last, just before me. I stared at him with anger for a moment, and then shouted on him, “Shut the fuck up. I don’t understand what the fuck is wrong with you old chaps. Neither you live yourself, nor do you let live others!” He gave an expression to me like he was startled on my language, but then eventually he slept back on his seat, realizing that I was in a real bad mood.
I was standing on the gate of that bogie as I didn’t have my ticket confirmed. I sat on the stairs, crying on myself, my destiny, my foolishness, on being cheated, on being left alone, on being broken away, on having no possibly visible future yet. The old man was still looking at me, lying on his seat only.
I had such a bad day. It was my birthday and I got scolding from my father for not doing anything, no one wished me on my b’day including her, my best friend deceived me in the time when I needed him bad, and then I had to leave Aligarh, the city that I considered a stair towards my bright future. I was so pissed off that I thought to end up my life. It was the exit of Unnao Junction when I was about to jump off the train but then suddenly I recalled of my mother, my loving mother, whom I loved so much and I recalled all the bad times she had faced to make me stand at position what I was today. I got lost into the times when she had put her best efforts to bring us up. I got so lost in my thoughts that when it was Kanpur station only when I recalled that I was sitting on the door and that most of the seats were empty now. So, I picked up my bags and went up to an empty seat where I fell asleep until I reached my hometown.
I reached home by 6.30 am in the morning. I was very tired and so I simply went straight for sleeping. Even after waking up, I didn’t talk to anyone much for next one week until my UPTU results were out. My mom and sister were worried due to this behavior of mine and they had scolded me, and urged me to know if something was
wrong but I never told them anything. I was just wondering on what was going to happen next.
My brother’s result for UPTU had come along mine and he had scored a rank of 56,570 in the general category while I had scored 2071 in the lateral entry category.
Later in the July, he was called up at Mathura in some Engineering college for his counseling. He went along with my elder brother to attend it. Though he had shortlisted certain colleges prior to the counseling but they had to resort after reaching there as those colleges had seats full. Finally, he chose certain colleges based on the current availability of seats and he was allotted Chemical Engineering branch in Anand Engineering College, Agra on the next day of his counseling.
My father had agreed on getting me admitted in B. Tech. under pressure of my mom but he said that both of us, we brothers, shall study from the same college, so my focus now was to get AEC anyhow. My dreams were all shattered as I had dreamt of studying in Australia in Bachelor’s course but I could never dare to talk about it to my father. Later I had thought I’d study in JECRC, Jaipur but then I dropped every plan of mine and chose to go with the path destiny had chosen for me, believing that it would be good as the other paths had already shown me the dead end.
Today was one of the worst days of my life. I had to finally leave Aligarh, and that AMU (Aligarh Muslim University) too as I couldn’t make through the waiting list of BCA admission list besides I had managed to qualify the entrance exam anyhow. I had so wished to clear the waiting list too, but I wasn’t so lucky. So, the day had started with the rejection of offer to admission in AMU and with the worry that what I’m going to do now. I was tensed as I had to be prepared with an explanation of my bad luck; my reason for not getting through admission in BCA as I had come back to AMU only after assuring to my elder brother, elder sister and my mother that I was going to make through it. But that was not the only reason. I had come back with the hope to see her. Well, I’ll explain that later.
So, by 12.00 pm, I was assured that I was not getting admission into AMU anyhow. I had already failed to make through AMU’s B. Tech. entrance exam, but that was obvious. We were never taught the subjects like PCM from which they had asked the question in entrance exam. One needed to be too lucky to get through it just on the basis of luck, and for sure I was not the lucky one, though I heard there was a lucky guy from Diploma who made through it. So now, I had to pack up. I had already left my hostel and had been staying at the room of one of my most beloved and affectionate senior, Qaseem Bhai’s room who was doing BE (Civil Engg.) from AMU and he had rented a room outside the AMU campus as BE students weren’t allotted hostels until that time. He had gone home as his vacations were on (and so were mine!) but he had left keys with me as I had informed him earlier that I’ll be back for BCA counseling. My all the bags and cartons were at his room only, including my big Desktop Computer which was now a mess to carry besides it had been very useful to me since past two years. The room was less a room and more a jail, I guess. First of all, it was on the second floor of the building, with no more rooms above it and so the direct heat of sun heated it so much in the day time that it was almost unbearable to stay there in the afternoon. Secondly, the stairs to room were so narrow and risky that often in the dark, I had escaped slipping from it only to meet death. And then the landlord was such a jerk; with his loud voice, he used to scold his children every time, waking me up from my little snaps that I could hardly managed to fall into in this super heating room.
So, I came to the room where Hasnain was waiting for me. Hasnain was another batch mate of mine from Diploma. He was a topper of his branch so he had made directly into AMU’s B.Tech. He was there to get his admission formalities done. Since
everyone was home, he had no one else to stay with but me, but now since I had to leave, he had to find some other shelter as I had the responsibility of the room and I had to return the keys to Qaseem bhai after packing up everything the way it was.
“So, you’re leaving?” asked Hasnain. I had told him on call that I couldn’t make through the list so I’ll be leaving tonight. I already had the reservation for the night by Farakka Express and that meant he too had to leave the room by night.
“Yup. Tonight”, I replied in sad tone.
We didn’t talk much then. He went out for something and I got busy in packing my stuff. It was damn too much to pack and take along on a journey, especially when you had to travel alone, so I thought I should call up someone to see me off at night. I recalled that Maroof must be there in Aligarh only. Maroof was my best friend, and he was my classmate too. We had a great time together for past two years, but then he faced some tragedy at exam time and his result was withheld by the Proctor, so he was there to fix that issue.
“Hey, you’re in Aligarh?” I asked, calling him up on his cell.
“Yea. You too, I guess”, he replied back. Probably he was sleeping, as I guessed from his voice, and then he asked the bad question, “So, you got admission into BCA?”
“Fuck it. They’re all such fuckers”, I replied, blaming the authorities, though I knew it was my fault that I could make through it.
“Yea, I know. Anyways, wassup?” He asked, coming back to the point.
“Well, I’m leaving tonight, and since I’ve a lot to carry, you’re coming to drop me until station. And don’t worry about the see-off-tea; You’ll get enough”, I replied, clearing everything. See-off-tea was a tradition of AMU students that every friend or companion, of any student who is going back home, who is going to see him off up to the station will get some cash from that student for fresh up. That amount was fixed to be around Rs. 40-50 per head, depending upon the number of people that accompanied him.
“Okay, I’ll be there at around 10.30. You must be going by the same old Farakka express as I guess and it’s around 12.00 am, right?” asked Maroof. Maroof knew a lot about me. We had been together for more than two years. He knew my nature and my schedules.
“Yea, correct…”, I replied, and then I had a beep on my mobile. I looked at the screen to find that it was my dad calling from Saudi. “Okay, catch you then… bye, Dad’s calling. Come for sure”, I said in a hurry to Maroof and disconnected the call to receive the call of my father.
“Why was your number busy?” He asked directly, after I said Salam to him.
“Some friend was on call. I had called him to assist me in packing”, I replied in a scared tone.
“So, you’re leaving today?” He asked again, in a rude voice.
“Yea. Actually nothing left here to do. It’s clear that I’m not getting into BCA and so now I’ll wait for result of UPTU entrance exams at home”, I replied, in a lower tone.
“I never understand why the hell you people go home every other month! I’m living here; I never bothered myself coming home every six months!” he said in an angry tone.
“It’s nothing like that. It’s just that I’ve got nothing to do here…!” I explained the reason.
“Then why don’t you go to Delhi to find some job to yourself! And what about this UPTU result? Did I ever say I’m gonna teach you any further? No, right? Then how dare you plan things on your own. I’ve already wasted a lot of money on you assholes and I’m not gonna spend even a single rupee on you people anymore. You brothers are all losers. You too would come up like your elder brother who is so non-supportive”, he had almost lost his temper on me.
I felt like replying to him, “you’re talking like you’re enough supportive! And you don’t wanna teach me anymore because you’re yourself not educated much and you’ll feel complex then!” but I couldn’t dare to say this to him. My mom had taught me to have a grip over my tongue and that on my thoughts while I’m in anger. It was due to her lessons only that I had been bearing such an attitude of my father for years. May be it was the remembrance of my mother that it just came out of my mouth, “But Mom, she has asked me to come back…”
“Then go to hell with her. She’s a bitch who ruined my life…”, “Mind your language please..”, I interrupted him, daring too much beyond my limits, to ask my father to mind his language, and it only raised his fury.
“You, son of bitch, you’re asking me to mind my language! Just wait for the day I come there; I’ll cut you all and thrown in to the furnace along with your mother”, he said in anger.
“I didn’t mean that. I just meant that talk to me of only what is relative to me. Dissolve your issues with mom when you’re home. This way you’re just wasting your money and raising your BP..”, I excused.
“No, I know you all. You all are alike, dogs of a lineage. You and your uncles, bloody brothers of my wife, you all are alike. They too are such losers… Never earned anything to themselves so they keep interfering in my life..”, he was saying continuously and on this I felt like replying to him, “you’re talking like you’re such a winner besides one of my uncles being a Govt. teacher and the other being Manager in
a company, and you living abroad in a country like Saudi Arabia, and still finding too hard to survive. Wow, how great is that explanation!” but again I kept quite on the part of my manner that I had inherited from my mother.
“So, you’re leaving today?” asked my father, once he was done with drawing his frustration on me and me listening to him quietly.
“Yea”, I replied back.
“Then close all the accounts you have there, and transfer all the money into my account, and don’t leave any work incomplete before you leave because you’re not going to come here again, ever. In fact, you’re not going anywhere other than home. You’ll stick there; you have my words”, he commanded me and I felt so sad on these words of him.
“And what about my further studies…?” I asked in confusion.
“No more studies. Get some job to yourself at home. I don’t have money for you anymore. If you’ve decided to go home then just go home, only that’s your future. You’ve learnt enough. You’re a Diploma Engineer now, you can at least earn”, he replied in a commenting tone.
“But dad, that’s nothing. I’m not going to get any job with this certificate… I want to study further, be an engineer!” I said, in a requesting tone.
“I don’t know that. I’ve to look for you younger brother too. He has just passed his 12th now. If any money would be left after getting him admission into engineering, then only I’ll think about you. And that too if you’d be nice at behavior..”, he replied in such a rude and straight way that I felt so hurt at heart.
“Okay… bye”, I said, clearing up the tear that had come into the corner of my right eye, as I saw Hasnain climbing up the stairs.
“Who was it? Sara?” He asked, with a smile, as he approached me. Everyone from my batch knew about Sara, but it was not her on the call.
“It was my dad”, I replied, trying to be as normal as possible in my tone, but I just had a rude lecture and I was feeling hurt so there was an obvious sampling in my voice. He’d have guessed that something was wrong as he heard me and as my face gave the expression, so he simply moved towards the room.
“You’re all packed up, wow!” he said when he reached in the room, as he looked at the packing that I had finished a while ago all alone.
“Yea”, I said, reaching to him, clearing my face with towel after washing it with water to look fresh again, and it helped me regaining my good mood.
“So, what now?” he asked.
“Now? It’s party time baby”, I said and winked at him.
We both left for Shamshad Market where we had snacks and then we reached a stationary shop.
“Do you think a diary and a pen would be good as birthday present?” I asked to Hasnain.
“Yea, it would be if the person is a student. But whose Birthday is it?” he asked in confusion.
“Sara’s. Her birthday is on 2nd July and I want the gift to be delivered to her by 2nd. And since you won’t be here till 2nd, I’ll courier it”, I replied back, informing him.
We searched for a nice diary that had some good friendship message in it, and indeed it was costly, and accompanied it with a nice pen too. I asked the shopkeeper to pack them both in a single pack, and then asked if he had the courier service with him and he agreed. I filled up the form and then before handling him the gift, I insisted that gift be delivered on 2nd only, as it was 28th, as it was a local delivery only within Aligarh, and he agreed so we left after paying him.
It was 10.00 pm in the night. Hasnain had left me in the evening itself and I had slept for few hours then. Actually, I had been crying over my destiny and having such a father, lying alone in the heated room and then I fell asleep. I woke up at 10.00 pm due to the mosquitoes flying around as the power had cut off and it was all dark around. I was very hungry so I locked the room with the help of light I had in my mobile to come to the Zakariya Market, the market by the side of AMU campus near our room, but only to find all the shops closed. So, I had to satisfy my appetite with just a cold drink.
I had been calling Maroof for half an hour now but he wasn’t responding. In fact, he was expected to be there by this time now but he didn’t show up, neither was he receiving my calls. Had he not received my calls, I would not have complained but he rather REJECTED my calls! I tried a number of times calling him but when he kept rejecting my calls, I felt so furious on him and then I thought I had been considering a cheater as my friend and this was the time I lacked in the tenure of our friendship that would have tested his trust. So, I came back to my room after booking a Rickshaw, and then in that dark house, I bought down all the cartons and bags on my own from those deadly stairs in the dim light of the torch of my mobile; even the whole computer too! I was so tired and even the rickshaw puller felt pity on me finding me in such a situation. I had reached station on time but then the train was late, and again unluckily, I found my reservation hadn’t confirmed yet!
“Fuck…”, I said to myself, cursing my luck. But then I thought it was for my better now as now I can climb up into any bogie as climbing up in any specific bogie with so much of luggage was indeed a tough task for someone like me, an average figure guy.
The train came late as was specified in the chart but then it took all my efforts to push up the entire luggage into a bogie. First of all, all the doors were closed so it was too difficult to find an averagely populated bogie and getting its door open. Then, every time I had to run back to the luggage to push it sliding long towards the bogie I had chosen which was standing far away from the position where my luggage was kept. In fact, for one second, I just thought of cutting the thought of going anywhere. I had pushed up half the luggage and the half was yet to done, but then I self motivated myself and finally I was able to push up all the luggage into that bogie, and as soon as I climbed up that bogie, the train left.
“Will always remember you, Aligarh... What you gave and what you took away”, I whispered to myself, looking through the open gate, standing there to sigh high. And then, someone again pissed me off.
“Hey, don’t keep your luggage here. I won’t be able to come down properly”, complained an old man in 50s, who was sitting at the top birth in the last, just before me. I stared at him with anger for a moment, and then shouted on him, “Shut the fuck up. I don’t understand what the fuck is wrong with you old chaps. Neither you live yourself, nor do you let live others!” He gave an expression to me like he was startled on my language, but then eventually he slept back on his seat, realizing that I was in a real bad mood.
I was standing on the gate of that bogie as I didn’t have my ticket confirmed. I sat on the stairs, crying on myself, my destiny, my foolishness, on being cheated, on being left alone, on being broken away, on having no possibly visible future yet. The old man was still looking at me, lying on his seat only.
I had such a bad day. It was my birthday and I got scolding from my father for not doing anything, no one wished me on my b’day including her, my best friend deceived me in the time when I needed him bad, and then I had to leave Aligarh, the city that I considered a stair towards my bright future. I was so pissed off that I thought to end up my life. It was the exit of Unnao Junction when I was about to jump off the train but then suddenly I recalled of my mother, my loving mother, whom I loved so much and I recalled all the bad times she had faced to make me stand at position what I was today. I got lost into the times when she had put her best efforts to bring us up. I got so lost in my thoughts that when it was Kanpur station only when I recalled that I was sitting on the door and that most of the seats were empty now. So, I picked up my bags and went up to an empty seat where I fell asleep until I reached my hometown.
I reached home by 6.30 am in the morning. I was very tired and so I simply went straight for sleeping. Even after waking up, I didn’t talk to anyone much for next one week until my UPTU results were out. My mom and sister were worried due to this behavior of mine and they had scolded me, and urged me to know if something was
wrong but I never told them anything. I was just wondering on what was going to happen next.
My brother’s result for UPTU had come along mine and he had scored a rank of 56,570 in the general category while I had scored 2071 in the lateral entry category.
Later in the July, he was called up at Mathura in some Engineering college for his counseling. He went along with my elder brother to attend it. Though he had shortlisted certain colleges prior to the counseling but they had to resort after reaching there as those colleges had seats full. Finally, he chose certain colleges based on the current availability of seats and he was allotted Chemical Engineering branch in Anand Engineering College, Agra on the next day of his counseling.
My father had agreed on getting me admitted in B. Tech. under pressure of my mom but he said that both of us, we brothers, shall study from the same college, so my focus now was to get AEC anyhow. My dreams were all shattered as I had dreamt of studying in Australia in Bachelor’s course but I could never dare to talk about it to my father. Later I had thought I’d study in JECRC, Jaipur but then I dropped every plan of mine and chose to go with the path destiny had chosen for me, believing that it would be good as the other paths had already shown me the dead end.
